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It is sometime in the near future. Laws have been set in motion to protect the American Homeland. You're freedom and sanity are at stake. Oh, and your jobs. I forgot about your jobs. And your beautifully domesticated wives and children. You pay your Taxes, yet you feel one-upped. Lied to. I know. I have a mortgage and a time share I haven't paid in months. While our lazy neighbors to the south consume our resources. No need to fear. The day of reckoning for those illegal bags of bones is upon us. No longer do we have to sit in Victoria's Secret as are wives are gawked at by gang-banging border hoppers. No. Victory is just beyond the horizon. And one man risks it all in his comfy radio station located some where in the Arizona Desert. That man is Lance Liberty for 101.3 Honest radio. Take it away Lance................
Today January first in the most foul year of our lord two-thousand and eleven. Operation: "Put Those Illegals in the Croc Pot and Cook'em" a top secret venture witch put forth Bills SB1070 and HB2281; as well as inventing that thing us Anglos use, to put tamale dough in corn husks. Has been announced a success. Victory achieved!
Well, sort of.... It has been reported that late this morning; Mexicans vanished off the face of the earth. The leaders of La Razah left a note on the door of one of the prisons Governor Jan Brewer owns, I mean where Jan Brewer conducts prayer groups. The note reads as follows:
Dear. oh no....Oh, I see dear has been crossed out. OK. here we
go....
Gavachos,
Al rato putos. We are sick of your shit. We are on our way to the tenth planet, which you putos never found. Planeta Atlantico. No you are not welcome. Look what happened the last time we let you vavosos spend the night.
You want us out of the country? You want us out of the schools?, orale. Let see how you do without all this sabor, this fuego, these brown hands to pick the food ya'll eat. Buena suerte, vergas.
Oh, and as a token of our appreciation we left you the following items: un short handle hoe, some of them crop dusting pesticedes, blankets from 1492, a chingo of paintings of a white Jesus, a copy of George Lopez's Tall Dark and Chicano (so you can still see us laughin at your ass), a mop, a broom, some diapers and some puto named John Ward.
Any way. We left in a giant Ranfla shaped como un Azteka templo, ese. So we out bitches. Oh yeah and our homies are coming with us: los negros, los chinos, los jotos, los sand vatos even the indios (red dot and feather), homie. So with out further to do, we out. Ay te wacho......
P.S. We left you a can of "chinga tu madre right there on the counter. why don't you help yourself ". Blood in Blood out. Yeah, I quote screenplays, homie. Y que?............
Now the government has its best linguistics people analyzing this note to decipher some of the coded language within this message. When we receive that information we will update you as we receive it. But in the mean time; crack those bottles, it just got a whole lot brighter in here! And in honor of this event we will be playing God bless America back to back for twenty-four consecutive hours!
(Fanfare)
*3 hours later*
Wait a minute..... Uh huh, uh huh. This just in:
Ladies and Gentleman. Scientist are predicting massive ecological events due to the absence of all colored peoples in the environment : tornadoes! earthquakes! tidal waves! Bill O'reilly's candidatesy for the presidency! with Glenn Beck as his running mate! oh, my! It is being reported that:
With the Exodus of all races of color. The Kardashians have entered a state of comatose when it was announced, "the Brothas was gone".
Tragedy has struck the White House! Barack Obama has refused to join the migration out of the atmosphere, however Michelle Obama has decided to join La Raza in their journey. Mrs. Obama was quoted as saying, " Negro, please I'm takin me and my babies on that ship. keep the dog".... The Scandal!
White adolescents are jonseing from the lack of hip hop music. One youth who was arrested for burning down a Best Buy, was quoted as saying, " Yo muthafuckas, I need that Weezy Baby, yaayaa!"
Beautiful rich white babies asses are dripping in excrement, screaming and crying at the top of their lungs "Guadalupe! Guadalupe! Turn around! Turn around! to you're arms once again!"
The entire food industry has completely shut down. No supply! No cooks! No waiters! No people to clean up after good, decent, working, Americans! I didn't know Mexicans worked in every single restaurant in the country! Its Chaos!
But in Downtown Tucson, Arizona; a very intoxicated, Tom Horne Remains adamant that, and I Quote " This is the single greatest day in American History. I am going to push that a holiday be created to honor this event. We will call it, ADIOS MUCHACHOS! YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Celebrating with Superintendent Horne is John Huppenthal ( also very inebriated) It seems Mr. Huppenthal is attempting to dance; but with all the colors of the world gone, there is no soul, no flavor, no grace, no finesse in existence. It appears Huppenthal is just doing the chicken dance over and over again... Someone please stop him. He just looks like a crazed person now.... Great! Tom Horne is now lying in his own vomit at the foot of a Pancho Villa statue, in Downtown Tucson . These are dark times, ladies and gentleman. What will the world do?..............
* 2 Hours later *
It is clear ladies and gentleman. I believe it was the Wizard of Oz; or was it God? That said "Ask and you shall receive". I don't think I like this colorless world any more. The vibes floating around reek of up-tight mediocrity. The food is bland. This isn't a carney asadah burito I'm eating. It's just cut up meat rolled in a flat piece of bread. This is far to much to bear. I think I may call it quits like Kurt Cobain and Hunter S. Thompson. (A gun can be heard cocking) I had a senorita once, her name was Carmen. I guess, I'll never see her again......... Listeners this is Lance Liberty, for 101.3 Honest Radio, signing off. Good luck and good night..............
!BANG! (A lone gunshot)
* The next day *
Ladies and Gentleman this is, a very pain ridden Lance liberty for 101.3 Honest radio. As I'm sure you all have heard, I shot my ear off ,in an attempted suicide, last night. And it seems for no apparent reason, because This just in:
Early this morning, another La Razah, letter was discovered, this time at the 4Th avenue jail in Downtown Phoenix, Arizona. It reads as such.:
Pendejos,
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh-sike! You vatos really thought that we was
gone, huh? Nel Pastel, we tied to este Xikanlandia se llama Aztlan,
Cemanauac. Soy Nican Tlaka; Muthafakah.
We're over here in Tent City with all the homies. We got this cochino here, you may of heard of him. His name is Sheriff Joe Ar-payaso. He's modeling some new pink chonies for us. We still can't decide on briefs or thongs; for all Ar-payaso's Neo-Nazi homeboys. Ni modo.
We are here to stay, gringos. Get use to it. La Raza's like that movie with that baby, who talks like that vato, Tone-Loc. " We don't die we multiply!... ". There I go quotin movies again, ese. Jajajah LOL LMAO and all that shit. Paz...................
P.S. We want our shit back.
But you can keep the White Jesus' and John Ward.
P.S.eSe. Bebe's Kid's, ESE! Thats what that movies called.
jejejeje.........
You heard it here folks, straight from the donkey's mouth. Drink up, I know I am. This is Lance Liberty signing off for 101.3 Honest Radio.................(Static)...................
I love your blog...lots of depth and humor to round it all off, que pinche... Almaluz
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